When you sacrifice your humanity, sanity and entire life for your creation – a thing that is completely incapable of caring for you in return. 

I always thought it was sad that even with his dying breath, Amon was trying to protect Xande. I guess when you spend your lifetime creating something that you hope will be the savior of your people, you want to keep it safe… even if in reality, it’s a creature warped beyond all comprehension.